Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
