we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
