I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize