The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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