what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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