when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
