Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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