when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
