Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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