We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you didnt know i had herpes?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
