I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
