It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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