Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
MIDGETS
????
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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