How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
