I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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