went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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