can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
