i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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