She's JV to your varsity
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
