he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Girls should come with a carfax report
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize