I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
someone owes me an orgasm
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
