I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
