We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I will be naked everywhere
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
