HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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