I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
