STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
