I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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