i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
