So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
two words...techno handjob
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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