ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
