Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
