just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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