It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
