i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
