she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
