The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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