the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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