Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
