the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
