OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
