its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
