mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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