I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
