im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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