Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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