using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
