I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
