after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize