I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
