I think I am morally bankrupt
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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