she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
