C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
