New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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