I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
tell me about the fingering
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
