If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize