I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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