That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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