Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
