Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Non-Jews are for practice
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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