so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize