What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
