if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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