I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize