Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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