I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
