she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
