i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
