I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
