Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
