I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
MIDGETS
????
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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