The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
