she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
