I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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