My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
